Danger Will Robinson!!!

"The truth is useless. You have to understand this right now. You can't deposit the truth in a bank. You can't buy groceries with the truth. You can't pay rent with the truth. The truth is a useless commodity that will hang around your neck like an albatross all the way to the homeless shelter. And if you think that the million or so people in this country that are really interested in the truth about their government can support people who would tell them the truth, you got another think coming. Because the million or so people in this country that are truly interested in the truth don't have any money." Jeb Bush

Pictures of Memories

Below are some of the pictures from Austin City Limits Music Festival 2004. Anyone that has a chance to go to one of these in the future.....I would highly recommend it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

75,000 strong.....where's Waldo anyone?

First up....The Roots!

Get down with your bad self...

The Wailers....and who might have acquired the lead's pick...
why it must have been me.

Lively up yourself...

Surprise....it's Perry Ferrell!

Ladies and gentlemen....Jack Johnson

Jack and Donovan Frankenreiter

Jack Johnson and G Love (yes G Love is the big-eared white boy with the backwards hat).

Ben freakin' Harper, people!!

Nothing like a square drum...

Woo-hoo!!

Every once and awhile the ole' point and shoot comes through.

...thanks for the memories!

Survey Says...

Hey everyone, hopefully I will be able to post pictures from the music festival and maybe even one of me (which I'll quickly think better of and remove) tomorrow. In the mean time my curiosity has gotten the better of me so I have a request. If you have the time, please post a comment to this entry containing your age, gender, and general location so that I can get an idea of who is reading this. In the event that no one responds...well then that will be quite sad now won't it? In a word...devastated. :)

Whining 101

Uuugghhh....sooo sick....must have chicken soup......must have chicken sou........will post pictures....later...can't type....more....must..have....(thud).

Retractions and Quotes

For those of you that have already read the post from yesterday...I removed it because I should never have posted it in the first place. I'm sure the people who run that website have the best of intentions, it just got me up in arms because holier-than-thou people have a tendency to make people run from things that could really help them. However, I am not the matauwa (religious police) and as such will not be calling out anymore religious nuts. Moving on...

I thought, since I have nothing terribly clever to post today, that I would allow a few famous people to speak for me. Here are several....okay more than several....quotes that I really enjoy.

“Wit is educated insolence.” Aristotle

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” Napoleon Bonaparte

“It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one’s doubts.” G.B. Burgin

“The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anyone who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, they finish by loading honors on your head.” Jean Cocteau

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
Sir Winston Churchill

“Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.” Abba Eban

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” Albert Einstein

“You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.” Albert Einstein

“It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.” Albert Einstein

“Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.” Benjamin Franklin

“I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.” Galileo Galilei

“There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.” Mahatma Gandhi

“I think it would be a good idea.” Mahatma Ghandi (when asked what he thought of Western civilization)

“The graveyards are full of indispensable men.” Charles de Gaulle

“Silence is argument carried out by other means.” Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara

“Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.” Jimi Hendrix

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” Samuel Johnson

“We must learn to live together as brothers, or perish together as fools.”
Dr. Martin L. King Jr.

“Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level won’t cure.”
Ross MacDonald

“Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.” Henry Louis Mencken

“When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.” Friedrich Nietzche

“I am become death, shatterer of worlds.” Robert Oppenheimer (citing from the Bhagavad Gita, after witnessing the world’s first nuclear explosion)

“A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood.” General G.S. Patton

“In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.” W.B. Prescott

“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” Jean-Paul Sartre

“If you can’t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you’d best teach it to dance.”
George Bernard Shaw

“The power of acute observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don’t have it.” George Bernard Shaw

“Men have become the tools of their tools.” H.D. Thoreau

“Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” Last words of Pancho Villa

“I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’ written all over it.” Steven Wright

The remaining are all quotes from (in my opinion) one of the most quotable men in history, Samuel Clemens, better known as Mark Twain.

“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics.”

“It is better to be silent and thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

“I have never let my schooling stand in the way of my education.”

“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself.”


“Be careful of reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; this is the principle difference between a dog and a man.”

“In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.”

“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.”

“Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.”

“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.”

“The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.”

“Irreverence is the champion of liberty, and its one sure defense.”

“Often it does seem a pity than Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”

“Golf is a good walk spoiled.”

“The trouble isn’t that there are too many fools, but that the lightning isn’t distributed right.”

Well, that oughta do it for today - I can feel the carpal tunnel syndrome coming already!! Hope you enjoyed at least one of these quotes.

Hey all, I just returned from a wonderful music festival called Austin City Limits in Austin, TX and I thought I'd share a few thoughts about it. First of all let me just say that I was able to see Howie Day, The Wailers, The Roots, Jack Johnson, Wilco, and Ben Harper from THE FRONT FREAKIN' ROW!!! And I got the pick from The Wailers' lead singer!!!! Hurray for outdoor festivals and their ever appealing lack of designated seating! Nevermind the fact that the heat index was 102 degrees and everyone was sweating and smelling like there was no tomorrow!

I have to give a huge congratulations to the city of Austin and, more importantly, the Austin police force. There were 75,000 people at ACL three days in a row and not a single arrest. While I was there I saw no fights, no obviously drug-addled persons, and only two cases of heat exhaustion. Like I said, with a three day total of over 180,000 people that is no small feat. Granted the fact that we peace-loving hippies made up the majority of the crowd had alot to do with the low-key atmosphere but the laid-back Austin PD helped just as much in their own way - namely leaving everyone the hell alone. Had they decided to arrest every hippie they found smoking a joint there would have been 180,000+ arrests but they came to the conclusion that it wasn't worth it.....and a grand and timely conclusion it was. As a non-smoker I have several minor issues with grass (the wacky kind) including the affect is has on me in which I become quite positive that every law enforcement agency in the nation is right around the corner, but that doesn't take away from the fact that marijuana laws, like most all moral legislation in this country, are horrible antiquated and ineffective. Alcohol related accidents are in the top 10 killers in this nation....try to find a single death attributable solely to marijuana. So, I beg the rest of this country's police forces to stop for a minute and ask themselves......do you really think, had the 180K+ people been drinking (there was alcohol available but few people were drinking because of the heat) there would have been no arrests? I think not! You would have had fights, and DWI's, and all manner of asinine behavior. All I'm saying is this.....follow the APD's example and leave the long-hairs alone, all they want is to eat an organic sandwhich and watch the clouds roll by.....in the words of Ben Harper - "My choice is what i chose to do, and if I'm causing no harm, it shouldn't bother you. Your choice is who you chose to be, and if your causin' no harm, then your alright with me!"

I hadn't really intended for this post to turn into a moral soapbox but since its headed that way I will leave you with this, another Ben Harper tune for your consideration. There are no specific religious affiliations I represent here, your God (whomever he may be) and your beliefs are just as valid as mine, provided of course that they are not forced on others at the point of a sword. The need to project one's beliefs on another, coupled with intolerence, is the father of all that is ill in this world.

You say what's mine is mine
And what's yours is mine too
Now you've got more than you can spend
But all of the money
In the whole wide world
Is not gonna help you in the end
Now while there's still time to be saved
Don't take that attitude to your grave
Might be too late for you I'm afraid
Don't take that attitude to your grave
Don't you take it there

I hear helicopters
Over my house every day
Shining their lights and flying low
Treat a child like a criminal
From the day that he is born
And you're gonna reap just what you sow
Now while there's still time to be saved
Don't take that attitude to your grave
Might be too late for you
I'm afraid
Don't take that attitude to your grave
Don't you take it there

So you can move your court case
Way across town
You can move it across the whole wide globe
But it ain't gonna help your court case
Up in the sky
When you go to put on your white robe
Now while there's still time to be saved
Don't take that attitude to your grave
Might be too late for you I'm afraid
They don't want it there
Don't you take it there

And you dare the children
To stay off of drugs
Now I dare you to stop letting them (the drugs people, not the children) in
And how dare you point your finger
At a gang out on the street
While it's you who is committing the sin
Now while there's still time to be saved
Don't take that attitude to your grave
Might be too late for you I'm afraid
Don't take that attitude to your grave
Don't you take it there
They don't want it there
You know your mother taught you better
Don't take that attitude to your grave

Pictures from the festival to be posted soon so stay tuned!

Alright that does it! I have officially lost my last bit of faith in humanity as an intelligent species. First I thought it was gone when we went to war, then I thought it was gone when the whole country lost its mind over an exposed boob, and I was sure it had finally vanished after Senator Zell Miller challenged TV talking head Chris Matthews to a dual.......so imagine my surprise when I discovered that I had just a smidgen of faith left to lose. Ladies and gentleman, I present for your viewing pleasure (or pain, whichever the case may be).......the dumbest man alive..........

..................The unnamed young man who won the latest "Jackass" contest, sponsored by Chicho's Restaurant in Virginia Beach, Va., in August, first came to the attention of police when he was spotted wandering around at 1 a.m. bleeding from an amateur Mohawk haircut. Also, his chest, stomach, buttocks and legs were heavily industrial-strength stapled, and he had slice marks on his side and a broken collarbone (from a back flip off the bar). He had also swallowed and vomited a live goldfish and broken a beer bottle over his head, but all in all, he said, he was proud. (The restaurant manager was fired.) [Virginian-Pilot (Norfolk), 8-7-04]

In the poignant words of my main man Tiny Tim: "God Bless us Every One."

Vizslas and Comments....Comments and Vizslas

Well, a pleasant Sunday morning to you all! I have just awoken from what could be the least refreshing night of sleep I have endured in quite some time. Why might that be, you ask? Well, I'll tell you....in a word....Vizslas (veeshlas). These energetic hunting dogs (looks like a reddish labrador) cost $500-$1000 apiece and from the personal experience I have now gleaned it seems that these dogs would be a precious commodity were you trapped in a swamp and desperate for a duck or goose to quell your hunger. They are NOT however, good bedfellows. While staying at a friends house overnight to avoid an unpleasant...and long...late night drive I rolled over at about 1:00am to receive a rather wet kiss across my face from....you guessed it Vizsla #1. Vizsla #2 I discovered at my feet and proceded to avoid losing a limb only by the narrowest of margins. See, these dogs are perfectly friendly in the day time, but, it seems, are very possesive of their personal sleeping space at night. There is something greatly disconcerting about rolling over a lump in the covers while half asleep and being met with a rumbling growl for your trouble. Of course a slightly less-pleasant lick always follows to assure you that the aforementioned growl was only the friendliest of warnings. Oh, and it seems they required a pillow much more urgently than did I. Had I been any less tired I may very well have made a break for the couch but as it is I now know exactly where I am never - ever - going to attempt sleep in the future. God bless you vizsla's #1 & 2, I hope you awake rested and refreshed.....and no, they are not up yet, though they are still enjoying my two feather pillows! Ha-ha-ha, dogs are the greatest, don't you think?!

By the way, if you so desire you may now post comments on my blog....I think....if not then I did something wrong....if so, then comment away my friends...comment away.

Cow Suits and CEOs

So the other day I'm driving down one of the major thoroughfares in my area when, out the passenger side window, I saw something that just had to be posted about. There on the corner stood a middle-aged Mexican man wearing a cow suit. That's right....a cow suit....and not one of those comfortably anonymous ones with a full cow head either - oh, no - instead it was a dingy set of cow-patterned black and white overalls with....are you ready....a black headband with ears glued to it. Kinda like the satan horn thingys you can buy for Halloween. And what was all this dedicated to you ask? Why a ritzy leather furniture store of course!! Now I'm no marketing genius but lets just stop and think about this for a moment. What person in their right mind sat down in the boardroom on a Monday morning and said "Gentlemen, I have the idea that will make us all rich....let's find a perfectly healthy Latin American man, stuff that poor bastard in a cow suit and put him on the corner. Why, they won't be able to buy our products fast enough."
Again, perhaps it is my lack of a marketing degree that puts this beyond the realm of my understanding, however, it seems to me there are several basic flaws in this strategy. For starters there is the obvious problem of advertising leather with....a cow....for god's sake people what's next, a promo spot for lamb chops given by....Lamb Chop? Seriously people there is no room for such calousness towards our tasty and, for the most part, well-fitting bovine friends, you should really be ashamed. Then there is the issue of comfort....that is what a furniture store is providing is it not....so how does that relate to a cow-suited man sweltering on the corner. If it was me I'd put a huge leather recliner and TV on the corner, set an overweight man in a pro sports team t-shirt in it, give him one of those "2-beer cans and a straw" hats and sit back and watch the money role in. On the other hand perhaps its not the comfort angle they're shooting for. Perhaps its that one guy they're after....you know, the guy who says, "well look at that, now there is a store that has figured out the perfect legal way to abuse impoverished minorities....that's what I like to see....perhaps I'll go to that store and spend all the money in my substantial account....as a matter of fact I think I'll go right now....after all according to the cow on the corner all leather goods are now 35% off, could life be any better.....I think not." What have we become? Let's look at this from a rational standpoint shall we? Here you have a man who is so determined to provide for himself and/or his family that he is willing to stand in the heat, at a high-traffic intersection, IN A COW SUIT PEOPLE, with no mask or anything....and this is the best place we can put him. With that kind of dedication they should immediately do the following. Throw the man with the cow suit idea out on his ass, spend a little money on real advertising, oh - and the man in the cow suit....make that man the CEO for God's sake....he deserves it more than any of you!!

Accomplishment, Nursing and Me

I was asked recently what I hoped to accomplish with my life and immediately after sending my response I realized that it was, at the very least, imcomplete. There are 2 main parts to what I wish to accomplish in my life and if you'll indulge me a little storytelling I think I can explain myself better. I work in a real estate office with about 90 female agents between the ages of 40 and 75. Now on my third day of working there, as I'm standing by the water cooler (no joke), I hear our receptionist muttering from around the corner, "oh, dear" to herself over and over. Looking around the corner and down a tiled hallway I see, much to her chagrin, that our 70-something receptionist has lost control of her bowels and defacated from her post at the front desk all the way back to the bathroom door. As quickly as I could I grabbed a roll of paper towels, a can of lyesol and another can of floor cleaner and began to clean up the mess while quietly ushering "Rose" out the back door. Afterwards when everyone was telling me how fantastic what I had done was I realized that I was the only one who had helped. Just as quickly I realized that these people were not commending me they were trying to cover their own guilt for not helping. Here you have a 70 yr. old woman who has lived her whole life, raised children, changed diapers, been a shoulder to cry on and who knows what else....and in her time of need none of the people she had worked with for years stepped up to help....it really made me want to cry (sshhh, don't tell). But I realized then that not only could I be a nurse....I had been having my doubts....but that if I could only see the look of gratitude "Rose" gave me as she slipped out the back once more in my life, then I would truly have accomplished something in my life. To make others happy when they feel their worst, and to give them support when otherwise they would have none....truly I could find no better calling in life. The second part of this has to do with a song (since I've grown so fond of quoting them) whose absence will represent officially my accomplishment when it is no longer my theme song....All I can say is that my life is pretty plain. I like watchin' the puddles gather rain. And all I can do is just pour some tea for two and speak my point of view.......I just want someone to say to me oh,oh, oh, oh. I'll always be there when you wake. Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today. So stay with me and I'll have it made. And I don't understand why I sleep all day, And I start to complain that there's no rain. And all I can do is read a book to stay awake, And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape....so Stacey, I hope this answers your question a little better. Thanks for asking it....it made me think.

Pessimism and Mother Theresa

Today I have decided that everyone in my office should be subject to mandatory psychiatric examinations on a bi-weekly basis. Has anyone out there ever worked with a true pessimist...the kind that says, "Well sure I won the lottery, but by the time I pay all the taxes it'll be down to 132 million". Well, I work with two! And they are true champions of the "woe is me" campaign. Absolutely everything they come into contact with is spun one way and then the other until some negative connotation is gleaned from the perfectly peachy news they received to begin with. I have no idea how anyone can live their lives in this manner. Both of the ladies that I speak of are close to or past retirement age and, quite frankly, it astounds me that they have made it this far with that type of attitude. Their personalities have resulted in not a small amount of conflict as people are prone to bring their problems to me rather than face the negative attitudes of the others that I work with. Truthfully I don't mind that much but it saddens me to know that this is truthfully how they view the world around them. If I thought I could get away with slipping a little Prozac in their orange juice I'd be out filling the presciption right now. You see, Mother Theresa has nothing on me....aside from the possible sainthood of course. I'm too nice for my own good. Oh well, nothing to be done but....whistle while you work - la la la lalalala. That ought to send them right straight over the edge, as a matter of fact when I'm done humming the entire soundtrack to Cinderella I believe I'll start on that damn birthday song from the Olive Garden...you know the one - that charming "if Italy were sad and tone deaf" opera you get with the unlimited salad and breadsticks. I should really become a therapist, I think I have a gift.